rightofreturn

rightofreturn @ 2009-03-04T20:58:00

2009-03-05T02:22:50Z

So someday, I won't be a first year teacher and I won't remember the hell I lived through accurately. I will rose-tint it and pretend that I never struggled while I watch others struggle.

THAT IS A LIE. I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS YEAR AND IT WILL LIVE ON IN MANY, MANY THERAPY SESSIONS. HA. HA.

Anyway...Someone in the teaching fellows group posed the question, "What's so hard about your life?" (albeit in a nicer, more curious/less accusing fashion) and I thought, "wow, can I even sum it up?" The answer is 'no'. There are so many things tough/frustrating/insane about first year teaching and dealing with the fellows that I'm going to break them down piece by piece over the next few days.

1. What to start with? I guess today I'll begin with: Dealing with the DOE (department of education). The DOE is housed at 65 Court St., in a large, inefficient building just brimming with unhappy employees. They will tell you to just apply for salary differentials if you have more than 30 credits above your bachelors. You will think "wow, I"m being appreciated for my education, this is great, how smoothly this is all going." Then they will lose your transcripts in the massive black hole that is their 'system'. They will tell you your bid for credits was rejected, even though they have no idea where your documents are. You will spend an hour and a half (AFTER your grueling 9 hour workday, while on the way to your three hour grad school class) talking to people whose attitude says, "I hate you and I hate your differentials" until someone finally refers you to the head of the department who is sane and helpful and finally understands what you are talking about. And it only took an hour and a half, along with a resolute will which will not be silenced, to get to this person.

A version of this will happen every other time you have to deal with the DOE. Helpful teacher tip: never believe anything anyone in HR says over the phone. Always get it in writing, and get it from more than one person. No one really knows what they're talking about, though they may mean well at times.

rightofreturn @ 2009-03-02T07:59:00

2009-03-02T13:22:15Z

I never do have time to write, do I?

Hallelujah, there's a snow day. It's like all my hopes and dreams came true.
I keep wondering if I should go back to bed or just savor the wakeful do-nothingness of it all. Six months down, three more to go...and then one more year until I can make any decision about my life. While riding the subway with my friend Jess (another teaching fellow), I asked her, "Do you ever feel like you're actually walking ouside of your life? Like this might not really be happening?" "All the time." We're so busy and so unfulfilled and so tired all the time that everything becomes this blur that is just sort of happening to you. Which is not to say I'm at my unhappiest, just to say that I'm not completely happy.

At least the city is not so foreign to me anymore; I do normal people things like go to movies and don't even grumble about the lines (because I've learned to get there super early!). We say Milk last night and for once, a movie in the theater didn't totally disappoint me. Not that I wasn't totally into 'Bride Wars', but...

Right now I'm really into this idea that I can just leave the city and have this life with the smell of grass and a big front porch. It's totally fantasy-land but I can almost feel the dew while I drink strong coffee and contemplate the day ahead. Sounds like a folgers commercial, right? Damn, even my fantasies are boring now.

rightofreturn @ 2009-01-15T17:56:00

2009-01-15T23:01:02Z

I am back to this livejournal because I am embracing my flaws!

Here is a picture of the apartment that I'm moving into:

(so I guess they took the posting off craigslist; instead I've posted a picture of a dog wearing a knitted cap. My apartment doesn't resemble a boston terrier quite as much)

rightofreturn @ 2008-10-28T21:42:00

2008-10-29T01:52:59Z

So first, I had a really terrible day with my students where I had to actually *yell*. I've written mayyybe 10 referrals to the dean in two days. I'm not getting the help/support I need for anything, and I have grad school classes that need some damn attention.

Second, I had a dermatologist appointment. That really wasn't that bad; the office was in Tribeca in this very airy, tragically hip office (because who doesn't want a dermatologist that knows what is 'cool' and 'now')and I'm pretty sure my doctor was wearing $700 boots. With little gold heels. Whatever, her skin was flawless, even for a derm.

Third, I trekked to fucking MASPETH (for those not acquainted, it's in mid-nowhere queens where new yorkers go to gain weight and pursue mediocrity. I apologize, I'm being cranky.) to pick up a package at the UPS store conveniently located near absolutely no public transportation. Here's some irony for you: it was freezing and raining and I was wearing loafers with no socks. Why? Because the package I was picking up contained my new, useful winter boots.

My one shining light today was a very old Polish man who sat in front of me on the bus I waited twenty-five minutes in frigid temperatures for: he smelled like soap mixed with a bit of grain alcohol and the combination was very soothing.

Oh yeah, here are the boots:

nice, and on sale

rightofreturn @ 2008-09-16T23:05:00

2008-09-17T03:14:24Z

I Like:

Sloop
by French Sole

I Like:

Leve
by Jessica Simpson

http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/21784094/c/1567.html

http://zapp.me/z7367644

I Like:

Ballari
by DKNY

http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/39120764/c/30423.html

rush plays rockband

2008-07-27T04:12:00Z

rightofreturn @ 2008-07-04T00:29:00

2008-07-04T04:35:44Z

I'm going to take everyone on an adventure beginning today...the adventure of attempting to find an apartment you don't hate in Brooklyn.

We'll start with...56 Graham Ave.

This apartment was described as: "Wood floors, full bath, high ceilings. Heat and hot water included. Available July 1st."

This apartment WAS: seven foot ceilings (ok, *maybe* 8), uneven pergot floors that were apparently installed over some sort of rocky terrain, and the moldiest refrigerator I have ever seen (I should note that they said they're replacing it). Lest you think it's all bad, included in one of the rickety, still-dirty drawers was a fork-free for the taker!

The price: $1800.

rightofreturn @ 2008-07-01T10:23:00

2008-07-01T14:24:21Z

seriously adorable

2008-06-23T00:36:22Z

rightofreturn @ 2008-06-20T10:31:00

2008-06-20T14:48:31Z

I've been incredibly busy. Days begin at 7:00, hour (on a good day) train ride, start school (brooklyn college, in the middle of nowhere brooklyn), end school at 6:15 and get home at 7:30. I'll have my transitional B certification in August which will allow me to teach Earth Science to grades 5-12 for two years. I also found out that my master's will only take me 1.5 years to finish due to my geology credits! Yay alien class!

I'm starting to have a better time; it's just very different to move here than to co-op or intern, I think. Way more permanence in two years than 3-6mths, plus my program is tough and comes with a really nice salary (meaning: I don't want to fuck it up). There are a lot of decisions that come with a permanent move that I didn't even really consider when I was doing even my americorps time-outs in different cities. Days are sometimes eaten up by simple activities like changing my billing addresses (which you can't do online in NY-weird). Plus, there's no safety net-I will not be going home to my cheaper rent or my neighborhood bars anytime soon, if ever. Every single penny counts, and every single one is gone in like five seconds.

That said, I'm not ever bored! I also got a concrete job! I'll be starting at Progress High School in Williamsburg in late summer teaching Earth Science to 10th graders. At a bar last night (erin wexten's birthday, met at least five new people from cincinnati-ha! fun, though), I ran into the teacher whose class I observed when I interviewed. I told him I got the job and would be teaching there next year; he introduced me to the art teacher sitting next to him and they invited me to a teacher bar crawl tonight. It's nice to know that my coworkers like the drink and yell "welcome to the family" as I leave the bar!

p.s. the bus ride home was STUPID. The L train wasn't running so these shuttle buses were taking everyone up and down the route but they were packed as hell and this older women almost ran off the bus because I guess my hair (in a low ponytail?) was in her face because she was short. There was literally NO room on the bus, it sucked for everyone equally, and later in the bus ride jesse goes "mmm, your hair smells nice" with no previous knowledge of the lady. I guess you can't win them all.

rightofreturn @ 2008-06-07T12:25:00

2008-06-07T16:27:36Z

I was expecting tickets, but at will call last night I got all access passes to M.I.A. The show was great, susan sarandon was in front of me with her daughter, and I got to see Mos Def run after M.I.A. yelling "Maya, wait up! It's Mos Def!"

also, there were hot dogs backstage. and I love to dance. Thanks go to Marty Rothman, my second cousin.

an internet grows in...well, you know.

2008-06-01T18:33:44Z

Hi! I moved! I actually, actually moved. We drove a foul-smelling penske truck (the bed of the truck reeked of so much chemical that it made my eyes water) to bushwick, brooklyn and unloaded everything at 1 am. Our apartment is a teeny tiny box and we're still working on getting everything to fit. We live about a half block from the dekalb stop on the L line, and smack dab in the middle of a very puerto rican neighborhood.

Yesterday, we took the LAST teaching test and wandered around midwood. aside from the dreamy orthodox jewish/russian community, not really any reason to go back. brooklyn is large, I am small, and right now everything is a LOT of work.

Last night, we headed to dreaded williamsburg proper and bedford ave for some drinks with some old/new friends. the drinking and the conv were great, but walking back to the subway stop was like a lesson in too many people looking like too many other people who want to be different and un-amused. No need to move to that neighborhood. Everyone has been really nice though; our cable guy today was a-ma-zing and jamaican and gave us basic cable for free!

Life with internets in a city where you don't know much is exponentially better. I miss you all!

Classic rock is...

2008-05-12T01:43:30Z

So I wanted to hear the jelly pudding show on the fox today; went to their web page and the first link at the top is 'babes'.

http://www.wofx.com/cc-common/babes/

What the hell? This is so stupid I can't even believe it. Good thing no women listen to classic rock radio.

rightofreturn @ 2008-04-07T12:24:00

2008-04-07T16:27:51Z

went to ikea with britni and only spent $9...good for me (i'm moving)

i do not like the words 'chocolate brown' in reference to anything but actual chocolate.

starting to get nervous about the big move...were looking for a summer sublet and its tough, need to get one by may i hope!

thumb is still broken and this cast is starting to smell weird;i go to the ortho doctor on wednesday thankfully. typing is hard.

rightofreturn @ 2008-03-31T19:12:00

2008-03-31T23:13:26Z

i broke my thumb!!! cast city.

rightofreturn @ 2008-03-10T09:02:00

2008-03-10T13:04:56Z

babysitting is adorable...betsy just mumbles baby words at me for hours and its very good stress therapy...

however, I love how it also reinforces that I don't want a tiny thing to take care of all the time anywhere in the near future. no dogs, no babies.

so what's up with these drugs in our water?

rightofreturn @ 2008-03-05T11:05:00

2008-03-05T16:16:01Z

board meetings are so frustrating. the board expects two people who work part time to be able to come up with and implement projects as well as write $50,000 grants for them. huh?

searching for a new job that fits around my first sucks.
I need money.

Jesse is trying to convince me to live in bed-stuy, brooklyn based only on the fact that GZA and Carl Sagan grew up there; he is sending me links to food co-ops and we're dreaming of CSA's that will deliver our seasonal fruit and vegetables.

I'm interviewing at Avon in like an hour...that is so funny. to be a call center rep...not an avon lady

My favorite thing to eat is greek yogurt with granola and berries.

Britni's birthday is Thursday-everyone go to the gypsy hut to celebrate. I think it would be fun if everyone got her fresh flowers for her apartment so she has to leave the bar in a car surrounded by flowers.

rightofreturn @ 2008-02-26T15:48:00

2008-02-26T21:02:25Z

so many things to think of, so many things to do...

1. find a new (supplementary) job! I'm thinking of just sucking it up and becoming a server for the next three months. Any ideas as to where?

2. Finish up MSW incompletes. Even though I won't actually need them anymore...I'd like to have a good standing with UC even though I'll be getting a degree from a CUNY school.

3. Pay off UC debt. I still owe them around 800 bucks from last year; I'm on a payment plan, but I'll need to pay it all off if I want to get an officialy transcript (which I need to give to NYCTF)

4. Get rid of all my stuff. I guess I'll be selling off/giving away pretty much everything but my clothes...I have no idea how small my apartment will be, but I'd rather just start over than pay the cost of moving it anyway.

5. Schedule and take my New York State pre-certification exams...and study for them. Oh man; I"ll need to study a LOT.

6. Study science!! I was accepted into the science immersion program, which means I'll actually begin on June 2 and need to take an additional test in general/earth science to begin teaching. This is scary.

7. Somehow tell current job that I will not be with them much longer. I think I'll wait until my supervisor gets back from her vacation in mid-March to break the news; I really like it here and hate to be leaving them in the lurch. However, I just need to let them know at least a month and a half ahead of time-that's responsible, right?

8. Find an apartment in NYC. This is additionally stressful due to the fact that I have bad credit (if I could only have had a discussion with my badly behaving youthful self about credit and how it catches up with you...), so I have no idea how I'm going to get an apartment. hmph.

9. Do everything NYCTF tells me to do.

I mean, we're still working on getting the apartment in order. I'm in way over my head! One thing at a time, I guess!

ACCEPTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-02-22T19:57:36Z

http://www.nycteachingfellows.org/

I start my training in NYC on June 16.

I am freaking out.

Yes!

Astrology, Enneagrams, Zodiacs

2008-02-20T19:09:20Z

Forer effect

The Forer effect (also called personal validation fallacy or the Barnum effect after P. T. Barnum's observation that 'we've got something for everyone') is the observation that individuals will give high accuracy ratings to descriptions of their personality that supposedly are tailored specifically for them, but are in fact vague and general enough to apply to a wide range of people. The Forer effect can provide a partial explanation for the widespread acceptance of some pseudosciences such as astrology and fortune telling, as well as many types of personality tests.

A related and more generic phenomenon effect is that of subjective validation (Marks, 2000, p. 41). Subjective validation occurs when two unrelated or even random events are perceived to be related because a belief, expectancy, or hypothesis demands a relationship. Thus people seek a correspondence between their perception of their personality and the contents of a horoscope.

In 1948, psychologist Bertram R. Forer gave a personality test to his students, and then gave them a personality analysis supposedly based on the test's results. He invited each of them to rate the analysis on a scale of 0 (very poor) to 5 (excellent) as it applied to themselves: the average was 4.26. He then revealed that each student had been given the same analysis:

“

You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker; and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic.

”

Forer had assembled this text from horoscopes.

Variables influencing the effect

Later studies have found that subjects give higher accuracy ratings if the following are true:

the subject believes that the analysis applies only to them
the subject believes in the authority of the evaluator
the analysis lists mainly positive traits

See (Dickson and Kelly 1985) for a review of the literature.

Moving on

2008-02-13T17:29:46Z

rightofreturn @ 2008-02-13T11:44:00

2008-02-13T17:18:08Z

http://jezebel.com/355697/the-secretive-culty-christians-behind-forever-21

A few people have asked me about forever 21 and sweatshops; I thought this article was interesting and concise...
The consensus, for me, is that all fashion is somehow freakishly weird and/or corrupt, but I like clothes (insert girlish giggle here).

I like this group and their accompanying website:
http://www.laborrights.org/

I was perusing wikipedia entries about sweatshop labor, and I found myself nodding with some of the (gasp!) sweatshop supportive arguments. Congratulations, the world is confusing.

However....
it's probably good for me to gulp a big grain of salt and realize that whoever wants to change wikipedia can do so. Even corporations! With their big smart marketing brains! Hence this good read about this kid who did some (somewhat flawed) stuff to prove this theory:

http://www.maltastar.com/pages/msFullArt.asp?an=14323

Back to ECO work and then babysitting and then painting! life is grand!

rightofreturn @ 2008-02-06T11:35:00

2008-02-06T16:56:45Z

We had our interviews for NYCTF last weekend...what a long, slightly hellish day! Traipsing around Manhattan in a business suit and uncomfortable heels is not really my idea of a great weekend in New York, and the interview itself lasted roughly four hours.

First, we had our lesson plan demonstrations. Mine was centered around emulsions and suspensions and while it wasn't the worst thing I've ever done, it also wasn't the best. However, I have a baller new cookie jar to put in the apartment that served as a giant cooking oil mixing pot during the presentation.  I swear that the other 'contestants' as I'm now thinking of my fellow interviewees were perhaps some sort of formal business robots who do this kind of thing all the time. By this kind of thing I mean getting up in front of a room of eight other adults (two of whom are rating your performance) and talk in baby talk about the american revolution or doing math with skittles. There was, however, the tiniest most adorable soft-spoken asian girl named Grace in my group, who will not get the job because the inner city children will literally maybe eat her alive.

Second came the group discussions. Literally nothing can be said about these. We discussed a fictional teacher's situation and all played well with others.

Third was a writing assignment. Fourth was the individual interviews and by this time, I was so tired from being awake for the majority of the past forty-eight hours that I'm not sure if I was even making sense. At the end, my interviewer said that I was her four years ago (she happened to be a social worker from cincinnati; what?) so while that would seem to bode well, I cannot imagine that I will be picked because I am like a little baby NYCTF that just needs to be watered.

That was it. Afterwards, Jesse and I threw ourselves onto the subway and got back to my friend Julie's house, only to discover that the keys to her door didn't work. We were so tired, we slept in the rental car (chrylser sebring, designed for least visibility and for someone's mom) on a street in brooklyn for like two hours. Well, he slept, I read an inspirational book about teaching in high risk schools that made me angry with the author for being a weiner. Julie got home, finally, and we napped til 11.

Against all odds, we made it to Heathers (in the east village? is this accurate?). What's up, Ohio? I like a bar with a damn coat rack-it just makes sense. We ate pizza (duh.) and made it home to Julie's at about 4:30...

Sunday: vegan breakfast in park slope:

Then driving forever, visiting Grandma in pennsylvania (complete with beers and spaghetti) and much needed sleep. All in all a good weekend with its fair share of mishaps. Wish me good luck; I'll fucking need it!

rightofreturn @ 2008-01-29T14:09:00

2008-01-29T19:19:19Z

I have so much to do.

This morning, I got stood up by my professor. During her scheduled office hours. I had even made an appointment with her; Social work is so important.

New York this weekend for an interview for New York City Teaching Fellows. I'm pretty nervous...

Jesse and I are moving in together here:

You may know it from such features as 'The Jerid Bartow Experience' or 'The place where many people have lived while not having any furniture and living as squatters"

rightofreturn @ 2008-01-09T13:22:00

2008-01-09T18:27:52Z

Gas station pump, why do you feel that you need to start going very slowly a full eighty cents before I am done? There is no reason for this. Do you think that if pumping my last eighty cents of gas takes longer than my first nineteen dollars and twenty cents that I will be frustrated and drive away, thereby leaving you, the victor, with the spoils of our little war? No, no, gas station pump. I will hold that handle until my full purchase is paid, and anyone who wouldn't do the same is a fool. or in a really big hurry.

rightofreturn

rightofreturn @ 2009-03-04T20:58:00

rightofreturn @ 2009-03-02T07:59:00

rightofreturn @ 2009-01-15T17:56:00

rightofreturn @ 2008-10-28T21:42:00

rightofreturn @ 2008-09-16T23:05:00

rush plays rockband

rightofreturn @ 2008-07-04T00:29:00

rightofreturn @ 2008-07-01T10:23:00

seriously adorable

rightofreturn @ 2008-06-20T10:31:00

rightofreturn @ 2008-06-07T12:25:00

an internet grows in...well, you know.

Classic rock is...

rightofreturn @ 2008-04-07T12:24:00

rightofreturn @ 2008-03-31T19:12:00

rightofreturn @ 2008-03-10T09:02:00

rightofreturn @ 2008-03-05T11:05:00

rightofreturn @ 2008-02-26T15:48:00

ACCEPTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Astrology, Enneagrams, Zodiacs

Forer effect

Variables influencing the effect

See also

Moving on

rightofreturn @ 2008-02-13T11:44:00

rightofreturn @ 2008-02-06T11:35:00

rightofreturn @ 2008-01-29T14:09:00

rightofreturn @ 2008-01-09T13:22:00