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[Mar. 4th, 2009|08:58 pm] |
So someday, I won't be a first year teacher and I won't remember the hell I lived through accurately. I will rose-tint it and pretend that I never struggled while I watch others struggle.
THAT IS A LIE. I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS YEAR AND IT WILL LIVE ON IN MANY, MANY THERAPY SESSIONS. HA. HA.
Anyway...Someone in the teaching fellows group posed the question, "What's so hard about your life?" (albeit in a nicer, more curious/less accusing fashion) and I thought, "wow, can I even sum it up?" The answer is 'no'. There are so many things tough/frustrating/insane about first year teaching and dealing with the fellows that I'm going to break them down piece by piece over the next few days.
1. What to start with? I guess today I'll begin with: Dealing with the DOE (department of education). The DOE is housed at 65 Court St., in a large, inefficient building just brimming with unhappy employees. They will tell you to just apply for salary differentials if you have more than 30 credits above your bachelors. You will think "wow, I"m being appreciated for my education, this is great, how smoothly this is all going." Then they will lose your transcripts in the massive black hole that is their 'system'. They will tell you your bid for credits was rejected, even though they have no idea where your documents are. You will spend an hour and a half (AFTER your grueling 9 hour workday, while on the way to your three hour grad school class) talking to people whose attitude says, "I hate you and I hate your differentials" until someone finally refers you to the head of the department who is sane and helpful and finally understands what you are talking about. And it only took an hour and a half, along with a resolute will which will not be silenced, to get to this person.
A version of this will happen every other time you have to deal with the DOE. Helpful teacher tip: never believe anything anyone in HR says over the phone. Always get it in writing, and get it from more than one person. No one really knows what they're talking about, though they may mean well at times. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 2nd, 2009|07:59 am] |
I never do have time to write, do I?
Hallelujah, there's a snow day. It's like all my hopes and dreams came true.
I keep wondering if I should go back to bed or just savor the wakeful do-nothingness of it all. Six months down, three more to go...and then one more year until I can make any decision about my life. While riding the subway with my friend Jess (another teaching fellow), I asked her, "Do you ever feel like you're actually walking ouside of your life? Like this might not really be happening?" "All the time." We're so busy and so unfulfilled and so tired all the time that everything becomes this blur that is just sort of happening to you. Which is not to say I'm at my unhappiest, just to say that I'm not completely happy.
At least the city is not so foreign to me anymore; I do normal people things like go to movies and don't even grumble about the lines (because I've learned to get there super early!). We say Milk last night and for once, a movie in the theater didn't totally disappoint me. Not that I wasn't totally into 'Bride Wars', but...
Right now I'm really into this idea that I can just leave the city and have this life with the smell of grass and a big front porch. It's totally fantasy-land but I can almost feel the dew while I drink strong coffee and contemplate the day ahead. Sounds like a folgers commercial, right? Damn, even my fantasies are boring now.
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 15th, 2009|05:56 pm] |
I am back to this livejournal because I am embracing my flaws!
Here is a picture of the apartment that I'm moving into:
(so I guess they took the posting off craigslist; instead I've posted a picture of a dog wearing a knitted cap. My apartment doesn't resemble a boston terrier quite as much) |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2008|09:42 pm] |
So first, I had a really terrible day with my students where I had to actually *yell*. I've written mayyybe 10 referrals to the dean in two days. I'm not getting the help/support I need for anything, and I have grad school classes that need some damn attention.
Second, I had a dermatologist appointment. That really wasn't that bad; the office was in Tribeca in this very airy, tragically hip office (because who doesn't want a dermatologist that knows what is 'cool' and 'now')and I'm pretty sure my doctor was wearing $700 boots. With little gold heels. Whatever, her skin was flawless, even for a derm.
Third, I trekked to fucking MASPETH (for those not acquainted, it's in mid-nowhere queens where new yorkers go to gain weight and pursue mediocrity. I apologize, I'm being cranky.) to pick up a package at the UPS store conveniently located near absolutely no public transportation. Here's some irony for you: it was freezing and raining and I was wearing loafers with no socks. Why? Because the package I was picking up contained my new, useful winter boots.
My one shining light today was a very old Polish man who sat in front of me on the bus I waited twenty-five minutes in frigid temperatures for: he smelled like soap mixed with a bit of grain alcohol and the combination was very soothing.
Oh yeah, here are the boots:
nice, and on sale |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2008|12:29 am] |
I'm going to take everyone on an adventure beginning today...the adventure of attempting to find an apartment you don't hate in Brooklyn.
We'll start with...56 Graham Ave.
This apartment was described as: "Wood floors, full bath, high ceilings. Heat and hot water included. Available July 1st."
This apartment WAS: seven foot ceilings (ok, *maybe* 8), uneven pergot floors that were apparently installed over some sort of rocky terrain, and the moldiest refrigerator I have ever seen (I should note that they said they're replacing it). Lest you think it's all bad, included in one of the rickety, still-dirty drawers was a fork-free for the taker!
The price: $1800. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 20th, 2008|10:31 am] |
I've been incredibly busy. Days begin at 7:00, hour (on a good day) train ride, start school (brooklyn college, in the middle of nowhere brooklyn), end school at 6:15 and get home at 7:30. I'll have my transitional B certification in August which will allow me to teach Earth Science to grades 5-12 for two years. I also found out that my master's will only take me 1.5 years to finish due to my geology credits! Yay alien class!
I'm starting to have a better time; it's just very different to move here than to co-op or intern, I think. Way more permanence in two years than 3-6mths, plus my program is tough and comes with a really nice salary (meaning: I don't want to fuck it up). There are a lot of decisions that come with a permanent move that I didn't even really consider when I was doing even my americorps time-outs in different cities. Days are sometimes eaten up by simple activities like changing my billing addresses (which you can't do online in NY-weird). Plus, there's no safety net-I will not be going home to my cheaper rent or my neighborhood bars anytime soon, if ever. Every single penny counts, and every single one is gone in like five seconds.
That said, I'm not ever bored! I also got a concrete job! I'll be starting at Progress High School in Williamsburg in late summer teaching Earth Science to 10th graders. At a bar last night (erin wexten's birthday, met at least five new people from cincinnati-ha! fun, though), I ran into the teacher whose class I observed when I interviewed. I told him I got the job and would be teaching there next year; he introduced me to the art teacher sitting next to him and they invited me to a teacher bar crawl tonight. It's nice to know that my coworkers like the drink and yell "welcome to the family" as I leave the bar!
p.s. the bus ride home was STUPID. The L train wasn't running so these shuttle buses were taking everyone up and down the route but they were packed as hell and this older women almost ran off the bus because I guess my hair (in a low ponytail?) was in her face because she was short. There was literally NO room on the bus, it sucked for everyone equally, and later in the bus ride jesse goes "mmm, your hair smells nice" with no previous knowledge of the lady. I guess you can't win them all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 7th, 2008|12:25 pm] |
I was expecting tickets, but at will call last night I got all access passes to M.I.A. The show was great, susan sarandon was in front of me with her daughter, and I got to see Mos Def run after M.I.A. yelling "Maya, wait up! It's Mos Def!"
also, there were hot dogs backstage. and I love to dance. Thanks go to Marty Rothman, my second cousin. |
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| an internet grows in...well, you know. |
[Jun. 1st, 2008|02:25 pm] |
Hi! I moved! I actually, actually moved. We drove a foul-smelling penske truck (the bed of the truck reeked of so much chemical that it made my eyes water) to bushwick, brooklyn and unloaded everything at 1 am. Our apartment is a teeny tiny box and we're still working on getting everything to fit. We live about a half block from the dekalb stop on the L line, and smack dab in the middle of a very puerto rican neighborhood.
Yesterday, we took the LAST teaching test and wandered around midwood. aside from the dreamy orthodox jewish/russian community, not really any reason to go back. brooklyn is large, I am small, and right now everything is a LOT of work.
Last night, we headed to dreaded williamsburg proper and bedford ave for some drinks with some old/new friends. the drinking and the conv were great, but walking back to the subway stop was like a lesson in too many people looking like too many other people who want to be different and un-amused. No need to move to that neighborhood. Everyone has been really nice though; our cable guy today was a-ma-zing and jamaican and gave us basic cable for free!
Life with internets in a city where you don't know much is exponentially better. I miss you all! |
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| Classic rock is... |
[May. 11th, 2008|09:39 pm] |
So I wanted to hear the jelly pudding show on the fox today; went to their web page and the first link at the top is 'babes'.
http://www.wofx.com/cc-common/babes/
What the hell? This is so stupid I can't even believe it. Good thing no women listen to classic rock radio. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2008|12:24 pm] |
went to ikea with britni and only spent $9...good for me (i'm moving)
i do not like the words 'chocolate brown' in reference to anything but actual chocolate.
starting to get nervous about the big move...were looking for a summer sublet and its tough, need to get one by may i hope!
thumb is still broken and this cast is starting to smell weird;i go to the ortho doctor on wednesday thankfully. typing is hard. |
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[Mar. 31st, 2008|07:12 pm] |
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i broke my thumb!!! cast city. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 10th, 2008|09:02 am] |
babysitting is adorable...betsy just mumbles baby words at me for hours and its very good stress therapy...
however, I love how it also reinforces that I don't want a tiny thing to take care of all the time anywhere in the near future. no dogs, no babies.
so what's up with these drugs in our water? |
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[Mar. 5th, 2008|11:05 am] |
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board meetings are so frustrating. the board expects two people who work part time to be able to come up with and implement projects as well as write $50,000 grants for them. huh?
searching for a new job that fits around my first sucks.
I need money.
Jesse is trying to convince me to live in bed-stuy, brooklyn based only on the fact that GZA and Carl Sagan grew up there; he is sending me links to food co-ops and we're dreaming of CSA's that will deliver our seasonal fruit and vegetables.
I'm interviewing at Avon in like an hour...that is so funny. to be a call center rep...not an avon lady
My favorite thing to eat is greek yogurt with granola and berries.
Britni's birthday is Thursday-everyone go to the gypsy hut to celebrate. I think it would be fun if everyone got her fresh flowers for her apartment so she has to leave the bar in a car surrounded by flowers.
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[Feb. 26th, 2008|03:48 pm] |
so many things to think of, so many things to do...
1. find a new (supplementary) job! I'm thinking of just sucking it up and becoming a server for the next three months. Any ideas as to where?
2. Finish up MSW incompletes. Even though I won't actually need them anymore...I'd like to have a good standing with UC even though I'll be getting a degree from a CUNY school.
3. Pay off UC debt. I still owe them around 800 bucks from last year; I'm on a payment plan, but I'll need to pay it all off if I want to get an officialy transcript (which I need to give to NYCTF)
4. Get rid of all my stuff. I guess I'll be selling off/giving away pretty much everything but my clothes...I have no idea how small my apartment will be, but I'd rather just start over than pay the cost of moving it anyway.
5. Schedule and take my New York State pre-certification exams...and study for them. Oh man; I"ll need to study a LOT.
6. Study science!! I was accepted into the science immersion program, which means I'll actually begin on June 2 and need to take an additional test in general/earth science to begin teaching. This is scary.
7. Somehow tell current job that I will not be with them much longer. I think I'll wait until my supervisor gets back from her vacation in mid-March to break the news; I really like it here and hate to be leaving them in the lurch. However, I just need to let them know at least a month and a half ahead of time-that's responsible, right?
8. Find an apartment in NYC. This is additionally stressful due to the fact that I have bad credit (if I could only have had a discussion with my badly behaving youthful self about credit and how it catches up with you...), so I have no idea how I'm going to get an apartment. hmph.
9. Do everything NYCTF tells me to do.
I mean, we're still working on getting the apartment in order. I'm in way over my head! One thing at a time, I guess! |
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| Astrology, Enneagrams, Zodiacs |
[Feb. 20th, 2008|02:06 pm] |
Forer effectThe Forer effect (also called personal validation fallacy or the Barnum effect after P. T. Barnum's observation that 'we've got something for everyone') is the observation that individuals will give high accuracy ratings to descriptions of their personality that supposedly are tailored specifically for them, but are in fact vague and general enough to apply to a wide range of people. The Forer effect can provide a partial explanation for the widespread acceptance of some pseudosciences such as astrology and fortune telling, as well as many types of personality tests. A related and more generic phenomenon effect is that of subjective validation (Marks, 2000, p. 41). Subjective validation occurs when two unrelated or even random events are perceived to be related because a belief, expectancy, or hypothesis demands a relationship. Thus people seek a correspondence between their perception of their personality and the contents of a horoscope. In 1948, psychologist Bertram R. Forer gave a personality test to his students, and then gave them a personality analysis supposedly based on the test's results. He invited each of them to rate the analysis on a scale of 0 (very poor) to 5 (excellent) as it applied to themselves: the average was 4.26. He then revealed that each student had been given the same analysis: | “ | You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker; and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic. | ” |
Forer had assembled this text from horoscopes.
Variables influencing the effectLater studies have found that subjects give higher accuracy ratings if the following are true: - the subject believes that the analysis applies only to them
- the subject believes in the authority of the evaluator
- the analysis lists mainly positive traits
See (Dickson and Kelly 1985) for a review of the literature.
See also |
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